How is a match made?

When a birth parent(s) contacts Adoptions of Wisconsin the first step taken is to set up a face-to-face appointment with Claire, adoption social worker and executive director of Adoptions of Wisconsin.  The meeting is scheduled as soon as possible—optimally within 24 hours of initial contact.  During the initial meeting the birth parent(s) is asked general questions about their pregnancy, their financial and medical resources and their emotional support system.  The focus of the first meeting is to get to know the birth parent(s) and to discuss their reasons for contacting AOW and their interest in making an adoption plan.  The information gathered during the first meeting sets the pace for all following meetings.

To quote Claire,

“Typically when I begin work with a birth parent, I provide counseling prior to showing adoptive parent profiles.  The amount of counseling varies with each birth parent, however the purpose of the counseling is to determine their confidence level in their adoption plan, get to know them and their problem solving/coping skills and prepare them for some of the normal feelings that might come up during the adoption process.” 

Once a birth parent(s) feels ready they are provided with profiles of families from the AOW Outreach Program who are open to their situation.  For example, a birth parent(s) who is interested in an open adoption relationship would not be shown the profile of an adoptive family who wants a closed adoption because from the get go the two parties are approaching adoption with an entirely different plan and therefore would not be a good match.  Birth parents are given as much time as they need to review profiles.  AOW does not put any sort of time limitation as to how long a birth parent(s) has to make a decision regarding an adoptive family.  The birth parent(s) is allowed to take either the profiles or take away letters with them to review at their own pace.  Most birth parents take about a week to make a decision as to which families they want to meet.  Some birth parents will take much longer.  Looking at adoptive parent profiles can bring up a lot of emotions and some birth parents opt for more counseling before they decide to meet with prospective adoptive families.  This is also one of the times during the adoption process in which birth parents might reassess their adoption plan and decide that adoption is not the right choice for them.  Once a birth parent has looked at profiles and potentially met with adoptive families they sit down with Claire to discuss which family seems like the best match for them.  When a birth parent feels confident with their choice of adoptive family Claire will contact the adoptive family and ask them if they would like to match with the birth parent(s).  Just like the birth parent(s) is given a choice as to who they feel is the best fit for their situation the adoptive family is also given a choice as to whether they feel the birth parent(s) is a good match for them. 

We at AOW understand how hard the waiting process is for adoptive parents though we can guarantee you that when you are matched with your birth mother and your baby is in your arms, you will know exactly that you were meant to wait for that particular baby.  Waiting for a match is one of the most trying times of the adoption process.  At times words don’t seem to ease the anticipation and longing for a baby in your arms.  Please contact Claire or Jenny if there is anything we can do to help you through the waiting period.  Sometimes just checking in with one of us at AOW can be helpful.  The more we are aware of your thoughts and feelings regarding the adoption process the more able we are to give you the needed support and resources to help you during this time. 

Surviving the Wait During the Holidays

The following article is from Adoption.com e-magazine.  http://e-magazine.adoption.com/2009-12/adopting

The holidays can be an especially stressful time of year for anyone. Add to it the stress of waiting for a child to join your family through adoption and it can make what once was an enjoyable time of year, a very difficult and emotional time. For many of us, there is no escaping the time you spend with friends and family, which usually also brings with it unending questions about what is going on with the adoption process. For some, this can be a great way to keep others informed of their plans, while for others, its a reminder of the frustration of being involved in a process which you have very little control over.

Some seasoned adoptive parents within our community have offered up some advice on things you can do to cope with the stress of the wait during the holidays.

Send out an update via e-mail or 'family newsletter' that shares the status of your adoption journey. Doing this allows family members to be involved in the journey, without turning your holiday family time into a question and answer period about the adoption process. Don't be afraid to speak your mind and ask family members to keep their focus on the season during family get togethers rather than your journey and let them know you'll keep everyone updated as news develops. Offering information in advance can sometimes keep people from asking the difficult questions during a time when everyone should be enjoying themselves.

Instead of focusing on what isn't happening this holiday season, focus on something that is happening. If you had really hoped to purchase gifts for a child this year, consider buying gifts for a child in need. Almost all larger retailers as well as shopping malls have "Angel Trees" where you pick up the name and information for a child in your community who may not otherwise have a gift to unwrap this year.

Make time for yourself and your partner. Those who have never been involved in the journey may not understand the emotional toll the adoption process can have on you and your partner. Plan a weekend getaway or just a few days at home where you can spend time together and enjoy each others company. Remember, this may be something you won't have the pleasure of doing for some time, once your child comes home. Rather than focusing on what life will be like once you've brought your child home, try focusing on making the most of the time you have left and do things you won't be able to do once you become a parent.

The holidays are a great time for celebration and a great time to remember just how different your life is about to become. Try to think of it in terms of the joys your life is about to gain, rather than the loss you may be feeling by spending another holiday without the child you envision. Most of all, take care of you and your partner, because you never know when the phone might ring.

'Tis the Season for Questions

The season for holiday parties, family gatherings and festive outings is quickly approaching.  With this comes the potential for you to be asked A LOT of questions about creating your family through adoption.  Some questions will come from beloved family members, some from not so beloved family members and maybe even some from people you have just met. At times talking about your adoption journey can be a really great way to informally network, you never know whose cousin’s, friend’s cousin is pregnant and thinking about adoption.  Other times the questions can be very uncomfortable and intrusive.  We’ve provided some tips below to help you handle questions if/when they arise…

 

When you are asked a question about your adoption experience the first thing to ask yourself is who is asking the question and in what setting are they asking you.  If a trusted friend asks you in a quiet, private moment you may feel comfortable talking about your adoption experience at length.  If a person inquires about your adoption plan and it isn’t someone you feel comfortable with or you don’t know very well you are not obligated to share your experiences—especially if the question is asked in a public setting.

The second thing to consider is the motivation for the person’s question.    Are they asking you because they too are considering adoption?  Are they asking because they know of a potential birth mother?  Are they asking because they care about you?  Are they asking because there is an uncomfortable pause in conversation and they can’t help being rude?  The way to find out a person’s motivation is to respond, “Why do you ask?”  Responding with “Why do you ask?” is the best tool you have to find out a person’s motivation and to warrant off any unwanted conversations.  If the person responds “Umm…well…ahhh” they probably don’t need to know your personal information and you can feel at liberty to change the subject.

Marilyn Schoettle, former director of education and publications at the The Center for Adoption Support & Education created the W.I.S.E. Up! Method for adoptive parents and children to be better prepared to answer (or chose not to answer) questions about their adoption experience.  Ms. Schoettle’s developed an easy acronym to fall back on when adoption questions arise:

W=Walk Away/Ignore the Question.  You are not obligated to share if you don’t want to. 

I=It’s Private.  This is a polite statement to let a person know they are asking about something that you feel is too personal of a topic for the setting you are in.

S=Share Something.  If you feel you want to share your experience then by all means do it!  Adoption is a wonderful journey to share with others.

E=Educate Others.  The process of adoption has changed considerably over the past few decades.  If you want, take the time to tell others about your experience and all of the wonderful things that are happening in the world of adoption – again, you never know, this may lead you to your baby.

Another great tool for friends and relatives who want to know more about adoption is the book,

“In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You to Know about Adoption.  A Guide for Relatives and Friends” by Elizabeth O’Toole.  You can learn more about this book from the website http://www.inonadoption.com/ or look for it at your local bookstore.  We also have a copy at the agency to lend out if you are interested. 

We hope your holiday season is off to a good start.  Just a reminder that our offices are closed Thursday and Friday of this week to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. 

As always please feel free to call or email us with questions, concerns or inquiries regarding what’s new at AOW—we love to hear from you.

For more information please go to our website: Adoptions of Wisconsin home page or email us at info@adoptionsofwisconsin.com

November News 2011

What's happening at AOW?  Well I'm glad you asked....

As we continue to be busy working with prospective adoptive families as they move through this amazing and often challenging process,  we have also put much of our energy toward various outreach efforts.   

Last week Jenny and Claire attended the “Focus on the Child” statewide adoption conference.  It proved to be very interesting.  One of the speakers, Hal Kaufman, President of My Adoption Advisor, gave us some great ideas about birth parent outreach we hope will prove successful for AOW families.  One of the things Hal emphasized was how the methods of communication and information gathering have drastically changed from one generation to the next.  The current birth parent population is part of the “millennial generation” or “net generation”.  If a millennial wants to find out information one of first things they do is log on to the internet whether by laptop, phone or PC.  To keep up with the trends AOW is considering expanding the waiting families portion of our website by providing a link for each family (who decides to participate) to a blog and/or a short video slide show containing information from your profile.  This idea is in its infancy so if you have any feedback, let us know.  As always it is up to each family to decide how much information they want to share and how they want to share it.  There would be no additional costs to an adoptive parent for these services.  AOW would produce the video slide show and help you create a blog.  If this all sounds wild—you are probably a Gen X-er.  Don’t worry.  Jenny scored a 96 out of 100 on the “How Millennial Are You?” quiz so you are in good hands.  If you want to find out how millennial you are you can take the quiz too.  Just click on the following link:  http://pewresearch.org/millennials/quiz/, 

We have also been doing a lot of birth parent outreach the old fashioned way—by pounding the pavement.  Jenny recently spoke to a group of high school students at Iowa-Grant High School in Livingston and met with staff from Southwest Technical College in Fennimore.  In addition she distributed our information to the hospital, university and reproductive center (similar to Planned Parenthood) in Platteville and Dodgeville.  We have also been reaching out to other professionals throughout the state such as professors, teachers, social workers, public health nurses, family law attorneys, etc.  If you know of any people  in your area that would benefit from having AOW’s information please send us their contact information and we will get in touch with them.  AOW cannot nor would we ever give outside resources your name or any identifying information unless we have an authorized release of information from you to do so.

Jenny is currently in Green Lake for the Wisconsin School Social Workers Association’s (WSSWA) annual conference where AOW will be the only adoption agency with a display.  It will be a great opportunity to connect with middle school and high school social workers who often don’t have a lot of information about adoption and adoption resources. 

Lastly, we wanted to let you know that our office will be closed on Thursday November 24^th and Friday November 25^th to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. 

Please know that the lines of communication are always open if you want to ask any questions about AOW, how we operate and what type(s) of outreach we do for prospective birth parents.   Further, if you are and AOW adoptive family and are feeling disconnected or anxious during your adoption journey, this is especially when we want to hear from you.  Our goal is to match birth and adoptive parents to create successful relationships and help you build your family through adoption.