'Tis the Season for Questions

The season for holiday parties, family gatherings and festive outings is quickly approaching.  With this comes the potential for you to be asked A LOT of questions about creating your family through adoption.  Some questions will come from beloved family members, some from not so beloved family members and maybe even some from people you have just met. At times talking about your adoption journey can be a really great way to informally network, you never know whose cousin’s, friend’s cousin is pregnant and thinking about adoption.  Other times the questions can be very uncomfortable and intrusive.  We’ve provided some tips below to help you handle questions if/when they arise…

 

When you are asked a question about your adoption experience the first thing to ask yourself is who is asking the question and in what setting are they asking you.  If a trusted friend asks you in a quiet, private moment you may feel comfortable talking about your adoption experience at length.  If a person inquires about your adoption plan and it isn’t someone you feel comfortable with or you don’t know very well you are not obligated to share your experiences—especially if the question is asked in a public setting.

The second thing to consider is the motivation for the person’s question.    Are they asking you because they too are considering adoption?  Are they asking because they know of a potential birth mother?  Are they asking because they care about you?  Are they asking because there is an uncomfortable pause in conversation and they can’t help being rude?  The way to find out a person’s motivation is to respond, “Why do you ask?”  Responding with “Why do you ask?” is the best tool you have to find out a person’s motivation and to warrant off any unwanted conversations.  If the person responds “Umm…well…ahhh” they probably don’t need to know your personal information and you can feel at liberty to change the subject.

Marilyn Schoettle, former director of education and publications at the The Center for Adoption Support & Education created the W.I.S.E. Up! Method for adoptive parents and children to be better prepared to answer (or chose not to answer) questions about their adoption experience.  Ms. Schoettle’s developed an easy acronym to fall back on when adoption questions arise:

W=Walk Away/Ignore the Question.  You are not obligated to share if you don’t want to. 

I=It’s Private.  This is a polite statement to let a person know they are asking about something that you feel is too personal of a topic for the setting you are in.

S=Share Something.  If you feel you want to share your experience then by all means do it!  Adoption is a wonderful journey to share with others.

E=Educate Others.  The process of adoption has changed considerably over the past few decades.  If you want, take the time to tell others about your experience and all of the wonderful things that are happening in the world of adoption – again, you never know, this may lead you to your baby.

Another great tool for friends and relatives who want to know more about adoption is the book,

“In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You to Know about Adoption.  A Guide for Relatives and Friends” by Elizabeth O’Toole.  You can learn more about this book from the website http://www.inonadoption.com/ or look for it at your local bookstore.  We also have a copy at the agency to lend out if you are interested. 

We hope your holiday season is off to a good start.  Just a reminder that our offices are closed Thursday and Friday of this week to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. 

As always please feel free to call or email us with questions, concerns or inquiries regarding what’s new at AOW—we love to hear from you.

For more information please go to our website: Adoptions of Wisconsin home page or email us at info@adoptionsofwisconsin.com

November News 2011

What's happening at AOW?  Well I'm glad you asked....

As we continue to be busy working with prospective adoptive families as they move through this amazing and often challenging process,  we have also put much of our energy toward various outreach efforts.   

Last week Jenny and Claire attended the “Focus on the Child” statewide adoption conference.  It proved to be very interesting.  One of the speakers, Hal Kaufman, President of My Adoption Advisor, gave us some great ideas about birth parent outreach we hope will prove successful for AOW families.  One of the things Hal emphasized was how the methods of communication and information gathering have drastically changed from one generation to the next.  The current birth parent population is part of the “millennial generation” or “net generation”.  If a millennial wants to find out information one of first things they do is log on to the internet whether by laptop, phone or PC.  To keep up with the trends AOW is considering expanding the waiting families portion of our website by providing a link for each family (who decides to participate) to a blog and/or a short video slide show containing information from your profile.  This idea is in its infancy so if you have any feedback, let us know.  As always it is up to each family to decide how much information they want to share and how they want to share it.  There would be no additional costs to an adoptive parent for these services.  AOW would produce the video slide show and help you create a blog.  If this all sounds wild—you are probably a Gen X-er.  Don’t worry.  Jenny scored a 96 out of 100 on the “How Millennial Are You?” quiz so you are in good hands.  If you want to find out how millennial you are you can take the quiz too.  Just click on the following link:  http://pewresearch.org/millennials/quiz/, 

We have also been doing a lot of birth parent outreach the old fashioned way—by pounding the pavement.  Jenny recently spoke to a group of high school students at Iowa-Grant High School in Livingston and met with staff from Southwest Technical College in Fennimore.  In addition she distributed our information to the hospital, university and reproductive center (similar to Planned Parenthood) in Platteville and Dodgeville.  We have also been reaching out to other professionals throughout the state such as professors, teachers, social workers, public health nurses, family law attorneys, etc.  If you know of any people  in your area that would benefit from having AOW’s information please send us their contact information and we will get in touch with them.  AOW cannot nor would we ever give outside resources your name or any identifying information unless we have an authorized release of information from you to do so.

Jenny is currently in Green Lake for the Wisconsin School Social Workers Association’s (WSSWA) annual conference where AOW will be the only adoption agency with a display.  It will be a great opportunity to connect with middle school and high school social workers who often don’t have a lot of information about adoption and adoption resources. 

Lastly, we wanted to let you know that our office will be closed on Thursday November 24^th and Friday November 25^th to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. 

Please know that the lines of communication are always open if you want to ask any questions about AOW, how we operate and what type(s) of outreach we do for prospective birth parents.   Further, if you are and AOW adoptive family and are feeling disconnected or anxious during your adoption journey, this is especially when we want to hear from you.  Our goal is to match birth and adoptive parents to create successful relationships and help you build your family through adoption.